Friday, May 17, 2013

It's Been Four Weeks...Thankfulness...Art Therapy

It's been four weeks since I delivered our sweet angel baby, Christian. I can't believe it. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and the very first thought I have is did I really deliver the body of our sweet son at 17 weeks and 2 days in my tub? Did that really happen? Or was all that a dream? Life! Life on earth!

Earlier today I went to see my Chiropractor, Dr. Autumn Gore, for the first time since everything happened. Upon arriving I had a very unexpected sweet warm welcome and embrace from her office manager, she gave me such compliments about the way my husband and I handled our situation and our baby. I was completely caught off guard and touched as I didn't know how much she knew but I am guessing she may have read our blog. :) Then I saw Autumn and we didn't really talk about what happened but I just kept telling her thank you. I feel like I need to tell her thank you for the rest of my life. She was such a force and encouragement to wait on God and deliver our son naturally.

Thank you God for Autumn.

I've done a bit of shopping lately, call it retail therapy. My girlfriend Erin and I actually talked about this as we've both been there, I'm still there. ;) Anyway, there is this artist, a mother, named Stephanie Dyer who experienced the still quiet birth of her sweet daughter, Amelia Rose, and was moved to create and help others in pain. Stephanie now has a company/ studio/ charity/ blog called Beyond Words Designs, to read her amazing story and browse her beautiful art click here. I purchased the painting pictured below for our bathroom to hang on the wall of our tub. The blues remind me of our baby boy and well the mother delivering her child in the water all by herself reminds me of the moments I had delivering Christian when Rick was in the kitchen. ;)

Friday, May 10, 2013

Healing May Be a Life Long Process...Grieving Made Me Lose a Contact!!

Grieving comes and goes... It is definitely not something you get over after the burial... It is not something that ceases days or weeks later... No, it may last a lifetime... It may sort of always be there until one is reunited with their loved one in Heaven...

I joined a group on Facebook called M.E.N.D. (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death). I haven't been to their Dallas Fort Worth monthly meeting yet but plan to go in June. Tonight a mother of five children, 2 babies on earth and 3 angel babies posted a message that hit me. In her words, "It was 15 years ago this month that we suffered our second miscarriage (of our three miscarriages). Crazy how those "anniversary" dates hit you. I was just minding my own business today, then an overwhelming sadness hit me. I realized it was May 1998 and the loss of my baby that was what had hit." Wow! 15 years later and after having had a subsequent baby on earth "it"/ "grief" still hits her.

Reading her post made me realize that the pain may last a lifetime. There are lots of normal everyday moments during the grieving process and then there are those moments that hit you. I had one of those moments yesterday while sitting outside having a cup of coffee in the Bishop Arts District with my girlfriend Erin. We were talking about the grieving process, mourning a loved one and I suddenly teared up, turned my face to the side and my brand new contact fell out! That then made me laugh. I totally lost my right contact and could not see very far out of my right eye. Erin had to drive me home to get my glasses! ;) Oh this thing called life on earth. It's something else sometimes.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Today is International Bereaved Mother's Day

This day, the Sunday before Mother's Day, is definitely new to me but I am grateful it exists. In the past two weeks I have found a great deal of support, understanding and inspiration from the online communities that exist for bereaved Moms.

I also learned a thing or two about Mother's Day that I did not know in the past. For example, a woman by the name of Anna Jarvis founded Mother's Day to honor her Mother Ann who experienced the death of seven of her children, she was a mother to 11 children. Ann was a social activist and organizer during the American Civil War. Ann often spoke of her dream of America having a day to honor Mothers. Two years after Ann's death, on Sunday, May 12, 1907, her daughter, Anna, passed out 500 white carnations at her Mother's church - one for each Mother in the congregation.

Thank God for Ann, her daughter Anna, and what they have done for Mothers around the world.

For more information on International Bereaved Mother's Day check out,
Still Standing Magazine.