Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Sofia is Turning 3 = Mixed Bag of Emotions for Me

Sofia is about to turn three years old and it tugs at my heart and brings tears to my eyes for so many different reasons. I am so grateful Sofia is alive, healthy and growing up with us on earth but I am so sad that her siblings are not here with us for her third birthday. Her real birthday gift was supposed to be a sibling on earth; first baby Sam and then baby Christian. Tears! My brother James was my Christmas gift when I was three years, two months, and 1 week old and he was such a gift. Sofia lost her "James," twice! More tears.

Instead of a sibling on earth Sofia is going to have a party at Little Gym. Seems so shallow sometimes. We are trying to make the most of it and focus on her and the things she likes i.e. pastel, globos, morado, etc.. But I can't help to think that baby Sam was supposed to be there and be about six weeks old. Then after baby Sam died Christian our son was supposed to be just about ready to make his appearance into our world three weeks after Sofia's birthday. We even thought that if Christian came exactly three weeks early like Sofia they might have the same birthday, September 4th. More tears.

Suffering sucks! I am no Saint when it comes to suffering and I don't want to be a Saint. I tell God that latter part all the time just so He's clear on me wanting my suffering to STOP. I think suffering just plain sucks.

And to top this all off we "get to" try to conceive again next week, just in time for Sofia's 3rd Birthday. Bittersweet September.

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