So a few posts ago I was venting about how I don't like suffering. Well, last Sunday at Mass Father Alan McDonald talked about suffering in his homily. I must admit it was a timely homily for me. ;) He said a lot of things but from what I remember he said something to the effect that suffering is our cross and what it means to really be a disciple of Christ is to pick up that cross/ that suffering and still follow Him. I've heard this message before but the word still really stood out to me this time. I'm still following. :) I will always follow for that's how much I love Him, even if I am a little confused, upset and annoyed by my suffering I'm still following and am a disciple of Christ.
Okay, now for my list of things that are giving me glimpses of hope:
1. As part of my "pre-conception prep-work" I read the book, "Celebrating Pregnancy Again: Restoring the lost joys of pregnancy after the loss of a child" by Franchesca Cox and it was food for my soul. Franchesca was refreshingly open and honest about her relationship with God after the loss of her first baby, her state of mind and the emotions of her heart during her two subsequent pregnancies. Franchesca gave lots of good suggestions in her book in regards to grief and worry. One of her suggestions was to create a pregnancy motto.
2. Franchesha's pregnancy motto was, "I deserve this. It is okay to dream. It is okay to hope. Pregnancy can and will be beautiful - for as many days as that may be."
My next pregnancy motto will be, "God can give me a healthy pregnancy and a healthy living breathing baby. I pray that He will this fourth time around. I desire a rainbow baby. Sofia deserves a sibling on earth." Rick and I can say/ pray this motto together substituting "me" for "us" and "I" for "we." I am also going to ask God for, "the peace that surpasses all understanding," Philippians 4:7.
3. I decided to sit down and make a list of all the women I personally know who have lost two or more babies in two or more consecutive pregnancies and then went on to have a living baby also known as a rainbow baby. I was shocked to look at my list and see the names of ten moms. I have started referring to these women as "my dream team." They are sort of living my dream as these ten women have had their rainbow baby(ies) in spite of two+ consecutive losses.
Seven of these women live in Dallas and are my mommy friends from various groups, interestingly enough mainly from the Dallas Moms Club. Three of these moms live elsewhere as they are friends from either high school, undergrad or my working years. When the stats don't seem to be in my favor, or if there is a wait during trying to conceive, or if I have worrisome pregnancy days I am going to stop and think about these ten mommies and their rainbow babies. :)