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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Back in "The Valley"

We are back in "the valley" the valley of death, loss and grief. We thought we were going to be back on the "mountain top" when we conceived again on the first try in our beloved Florida early February and were possibly having twins based on my initial blood work numbers and sonogram. We were so happy, for a second. We saw a glimmer of light and now we are back in the darkness. It sucks!

We were pregnant again the month before the one year anniversary of Christian being pronounced dead and I was so relieved to get to the one year mark of that terrible news pregnant. And then it was over. We will now get to the one year anniversary of Christian's birth, April 19th, having experienced yet another pregnancy loss of one or two more of our babies. I may even still be bleeding when the 19th rolls around.

We are in "the valley" on yet another season of Lent. Lent has been really serious and quite depressing these last two years. We are having total déjàvu with the timing of our last two pregnancy losses.

During Stations of the Cross Friday I broke down in tears as I focused on the fact that Jesus fell three times and I have had three consecutive pregnancy losses of three or four babies. Three times! :( May all my suffering on earth be for redemptive purposes. (More on Redemptive Suffering to come later.)

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