Thursday, July 21, 2016

I Remember You

I remember buying the pregnancy test that first told me about you. I was with your Daddy and it dark outside, after dinner. I remember going to the bathroom and laying the test on the countertop anxiously awaiting the result as we had been trying to conceive you for a few months. I remember falling on my knees thanking God that the test said you were here, with us, in my womb, we were pregnant with you, our second baby! I remember calling my Mom, your Abuelita, to tell her we were expecting your arrival right before her 61st Birthday. Abuelita was so happy and excited for us and Big Sister Sofia. 

I remember Daddy parking the car one night and me putting my right foot on to the ground and thinking to myself to watch my step and be careful as I was carrying you. I remember Daddy buying a bunch of ice cream at Baskin Robbins to co-celebrate and announce your existence to his side of the family. We were in Austin, your aunt was expecting too and your unborn cousin was just a few weeks older than you. I remember eating my favorite ice cream to celebrate your life, chocolate peanut butter! I think you must have liked it too. ;) I remember feeling nauseous the next morning over the hotel breakfast. I remember telling Big Sister Sofia you were in my belly. She paused for a moment and then went back to playing. She was so young, just 2 years and 2 months old so I don't think she really understood. I remember being so happy and so excited to be pregnant with you. I remember praying for you. I remember Daddy laying his hand on my belly praying for you, for us. I remember daydreaming about you, your gender, your looks, your personality, your relationship with your Big Sister Sofia and looking forward to meeting you face to face in July 2013. I remember you. 

I remember waking up before sunrise to the sudden out of nowhere warm-heat filled feeling that I was losing you. I remember waking Daddy up immediately telling him I thought I was losing you. I remember Daddy screaming, "No! No! No!" for that is how much he loved/ loves you and wanted you here with us, on earth, in our home, with our family. I remember being shocked. I remember grief overcoming every inch of my being as I did not want to say goodbye to you. I just wanted to love on you, grow you in my womb, nourish you in and out of my womb, mother you. Now I have to do what I can from afar. I can still love you, still remember you, still celebrate you, your existence, your short life on earth in my womb and your eternal life in Heaven. I can ask you to intercede in prayer for me, Daddy and your Sisters, Sofia and Little Sister Maria. You would be 3 years old today and I sometimes stop and image your presence in our home, in our lives, with your sisters. I imagine more fun, more joy, more love, more noise, more work, less sleep, a bigger car and a lot more caffeine... I will celebrate YOU, Baby Sam, over cupcakes tonight with three candles. I remember you and I love you! 

Monday, May 23, 2016

My Favorite Baby Items This Time Around

I totally need to update my blog with Baby Girl Macias' birth and our first 3+ months but in the meantime a short fun post on my favorite baby items this time around. 😊

1. Honest Wipes
Holy cow! I love these wipes! Rick does too! They are so different from any wipes we have ever tried. They just feel good on your fingers/ hands as you wipe baby and they get the job done well. 😉 Try them! By far our most favorite wipes ever!!

2. The Boba 4G Carrier
I wish I had used this with our firstborn. Life changing! Both Rick and I use it when shopping, at Church, while exercising, etc.. I love that baby girl can hear our heartbeat and be all warm and snuggly while we are multitasking. 

3. Halo Sleeveless Sleepsacks
Baby girl loves these warm fleece sleep sacks. I love that she can access her precious little hands for comfort whenever she wants. Our rainbow was born with a sucking blistering on her wrist/ lower arm. Sweet girl was sucking hard in the womb! It's natural! We used the newborn Swaddle and are now on to the size small Sleepsack. 

4. Rompers and Bubbles 
One piece outfits. Being that our rainbow was born in the Winter I loved footed zip ups for sleeping and for "playing" in cold weather. Now that it is warm I am all about the romper or bubble. Two piece outfits or dresses with panties can be adorable but rompers and bubbles are so fast and easy when we've got places to go plus it covers baby's belly at all times. 

5. The B.F.F. Diaper Bag by Ju-Ju-Be
I have Rick to thank for this find as he helped me research the heck out of diaper bags. 😉 The name does not lie, this bag will become your best-friend. I love the front mommy pocket, memory foam backpack straps, memory foam changing pad, structured bottom with luggage feet, antibacterial lining, crumb drains and that it is machine washable!! 

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

36 Weeks Pregnant Today!!

We are 36 weeks pregnant today and it feels surreal! I am trying to "get in the zone" as we prepare for a natural childbirth. I feel like I procrastinated on this aspect of pregnancy as I have been guarding my heart on and off and after our 32 week small and large intestine scare/ MRI I was kind of numb, almost paralyzed. It has taken me almost a month to fully recover from the scare. The Xanax they gave me before the MRI was pretty strong as well but luckily lasted less than a day. I am such a light weight when it comes to "drugs." I asked for a wheelchair after the MRI as I felt like I could not walk like a normal person and did not want to fall. I felt very lightheaded, almost drugged or drunk. There was one other thing that Docs were keeping an eye on for two weeks after seeing it in the MRI and that was a very mild 10-11 ml left ventriculomegaly that they were 90% sure was nothing and did not want us to worry about but would keep monitoring. Praise be to God it was GONE/ down to 6-8 ml by our 34 week checkup. After a miraculous MRI we somehow did not worry that much about the mild left ventriculomegaly although it was in the back of my mind.

Now it is time to relax and prepare for Baby Girl Macias' arrival, particularly her labor and delivery which as of now will be spontaneous. Since she and I are doing so well which feels so strange to even say Docs want us to just wait until labor starts naturally. They said we can reevaluate if spontaneous labor has not started by our 39 week checkup. We have hired a doula and booked a birth photographer. Our doula has experience with loss, natural childbirth and an emergency preterm medicated birth so I feel she is really well rounded for us. She is also a Christian which is very important to us and came recommended to me via my Plano support group. Our birth photographer has captured the stillbirths and rainbow baby births of a couple of our friends which just seems likes a good fit for us.

I do have stress and anxiety over how we are going to juggle Sofia and spontaneous childbirth. Fortunately one of our MFMs recently told us to just bring Sofia with us to L&D and we can figure things out as we go. This was great to hear as all four grandparents live out of town and will be flying into Dallas. We actually don't have any family members who live in Dallas.

Sofia is very interested in birth so she has been watching videos with me as I prepare. She also loves going through her birth album in detail. ;) Who knows how this will all happen. She may be at school for all we know or she may sleep through the whole labor and delivery if it happens in the middle of the night/ wee hours of the morning. God knows!!!  And we shall see... Thank you Lord for Baby Girl Macias!!! We are all looking forward to meeting her face to face, holding her, kissing her, loving her, talking to her, praying with her, etc.. For now we will do our best to prepare for a supernatural childbirth, in Jesus name!